you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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