she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
