he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
