shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
