Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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