dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
