R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
