you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
