omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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