I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
