I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
