Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
