Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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