Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
