My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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