I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
