I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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