Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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