That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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