im drinking this country out of the recession.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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