My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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