i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
