...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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