Can Purell be used as lube?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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