from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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