Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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