Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
