I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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