so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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