ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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