I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
