Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
