never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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