nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
