Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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