This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
