I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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