he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
