You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
