if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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