someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
