I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize