All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
