There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
