I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize