why didn't you poke me back
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
