sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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