this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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