I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
