Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
