Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
