you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
