Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
