There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
