are you still at the devil's house?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
