Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
