And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
