You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
