We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
