I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
