Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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