I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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