I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where is the hickey?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
