I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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