Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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